The real reason it’s a fucking travesty Peter Parker is “straight” is that he would have a fucking field day making gay jokes. Imagine Spiderman wit mixed with millennial gay humour. He’d be unstoppable

[Criminal, or Steve. Or someone] give it to me straight. Why is some kid swinging around and beating up people in Queens?

[Peter] First of all, nothing I do is straight.

[Villain punches him]

[Peter] this is homophobia.

[Someone. Probably Tony] he said nothing about gay people, though?

[Peter] but he hit me. So again. Homophobia.

[Tony] you could not have picked a worse time to come out of the closet.

[Peter] bold of you to assume I was ever in the closet to begin with. I’ve been giving off Chaotic Twink Energy my whole damn life.

Aunt may: so why can’t you get your driver’s license again??

Peter: I’m???? Gay????