The real reason it’s a fucking travesty Peter Parker is “straight” is that he would have a fucking field day making gay jokes. Imagine Spiderman wit mixed with millennial gay humour. He’d be unstoppable
[Criminal, or Steve. Or someone] give it to me straight. Why is some kid swinging around and beating up people in Queens?
[Peter] First of all, nothing I do is straight.
[Villain punches him]
[Peter] this is homophobia.
[Someone. Probably Tony] he said nothing about gay people, though?
[Peter] but he hit me. So again. Homophobia.
[Tony] you could not have picked a worse time to come out of the closet.
[Peter] bold of you to assume I was ever in the closet to begin with. I’ve been giving off Chaotic Twink Energy my whole damn life.
Aunt may: so why can’t you get your driver’s license again??
Peter: I’m???? Gay????
target self checkout security camera: you look like this
Bloody, sweaty, curly, twinky Hugh.
What more could you ask for? For the film to be good? C’mon that’s just unrealistic 😂
I feel like there is exactly the shot in #4 up there, in everything Hugh Dancy stars in. That lying on his side, looking oddly spent, covered in blood, tilting up his head.
Hugh Dancy as D’Artagnan
in Young Blades (2001)